Lesson #34 Addicted To Your Story March 27th 2012

My friend, who knows me as well as I know myself suggested I “get honest” and by writing this I am being truly honest.  You may not like it, you may be afraid, you may have an “AHA” moment.  Whatever happens, this is my truth to you.

I have been a Life Coach for more than 2 decades.  I have worked with many types of people….I am an equal opportunity Life Coach.  This is what I know for certain.  All people have a “story”.  Everyone!  The bad thing about that is you become ADDICTED to your story.  It is like everything else….if you keep repeating that story over and over again you become that which you are telling.  I am a recovering addict/alcoholic, and I have told my story so many times I lost count.  I do know that I had to stop telling it and for 99% of the time I have stopped.  The addict me, the alcoholic me, the adult child of an alcoholic me, the sexually abused me, the physically abused me is dead, the cancer patient me is dead, the full blown AIDS me is dead.  She is dead, she is gone, she is buried.

I was addicted to the groups I attended every single day became a new addiction for me.  Thinking of NOT going to a meeting caused me major anxiety attacks.  God intervened and I do not attend meetings everyday.  What I was doing was switching addictions.  Everyone I have ever met has an addiction.  Food, being perfect, sex, sitting at their computers doing anything but work, spending, accumulating stuff, eating, not eating, exercise, alcohol, over working, drugs, anger…the list of addictions is endless.

At the core of our being is some kind of PAIN…….which stands for Pay Attention Inward Now.  When we have become sick and tired enough or being sick and tired, we can reach inside and Feel that pain, Deal with that pain, and then Heal that pain.  I make it sound so easy and I know it is not.  But….you can stop to dragging it around like a security blanket.  Our pain can be from being abused, lied to, being told lies about ourselves, feeling alone and unloved,  feeling unworthy and less than.  All LIES!!!!!!  But, we keep sharing our story with anyone who will listen or read it….because that is all the identity we have.

I want you to know that you are able and allowed to heal.  I want you to know that you are worthy.  I want you to know that are loved.  I want you to know that you are not alone.  I want you to know that God does not make junk and the Big Bang Theory just doesn’t hold up.  I want you to know that as long as you keep hanging onto your story that is exactly what you will have in your present life.  Chaos, drama, fear, uncertainty, illness…they have become your companions.  Without them, you panic and have no clue who or what you are.

You are stuck in the muck of it all.  So, you decide.  Who are you now, minus your entire story?  What is your vision?  What do you really want your life to look like?

God will and can help you.  Stop living your old story….it is really not who you can be.  It is ugly, infectious, and it is not the present.  Holding onto it also acts like a dust catcher, so all the yuck in the world will keep sticking to your life, your very being.  Is that what you really want?  Yes, it is scary to think about all of this.  Without your story….who are you?  Without your story….who will you have to validate you?

I am asking you, encouraging you to take a leap of faith and Pay Attention Inward Now, then Feel it, Deal with it, and Heal it.  Lose the story.  Create your vision.  Learn to love living in peace.  It’s okay.  Just because happiness and peace may be something that you have never known consistently or had mere glimpses of, you have nothing to lose.  Your story will always be there if you have to live in the muck of it all.

I am here if you need me to help you co-author your New Life Story.  I am here to walk that journey with you.  You deserve better and when you know better, you do better.

Now you know the truth.  Are you willing to let go?

Sarah© 2012

hopeslifecoaching.com

Lesson #20 Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion…..or a God Law

Newton’s 3rd of of motion states…For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  This statement it may seem rather contradictory.  So, here goes in people terms.  The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. The direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object. Forces always come in pairs – equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs.  It is even better to say…what goes around comes around, some folks call it Karma, some say what you give is what you get.

Nonetheless I think it is simply cause and effect.  When we throw a stone in a still pond it causes ripples.  As far as intention goes, before you take any action, stop and make clear your intention. Make sure your intentions are good, and good is what will be returned to you.  Intention is what causes the effect.

I happen to call this one of God’s Laws.  If you don’t have God, whomever or whatever is your higher power can be used.  When you are dealing with this law, you must walk, eat, sleep, and breathe your talk.  

We as people are energy.  I big, walking, talking form of energy.  We have the ability to affect people and things around us.  If we step off a boat onto the bank of a lake: as we move in the direction of the shore, the boat tends to move in the opposite direction (leaving us facedown in the water, if we aren’t careful)!  Every action we take creates a reaction in the world.  The total of all those actions is what we call our LIFE.

If you happen to be a person that is angry, you will without fail, attract angry people and situations into your life over and over again.  It’s similar to the definition of insanity some people use:  doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for a different result.  It just isn’t going to work.  If you want love, hope, wellness, prosperity, compassion, energy, flexibility, that is what needs to go out from your very core.

When we have made an intention that we want peace, calmness, happy people, etc., in our lives, it often means we must give up those people of situations that are the opposite of that.  There are people in my own life that I have basically had to separate myself from because they cause me hurt, both physically and emotionally.  Do I miss them, of course!  I also hope, pray and have made an intention that there will be reconciliation with them.

Take a really good look at yourself in the mirror.  What do you really want to be in this world?  Someone that attracts goodness or someone who thrives on chaos.  If you died tomorrow, what words would be used in your eulogy to describe you and your life?

I had an illness.  It was called the Dis-ease to Please.  If anyone wanted anything they came to me.  Why?  Was I the best?  Was I the go to person?  None of those things.  I lacked the ability to say NO.  Now I use that word without guilt or regret and feel so much better for it.  If you have the dis-ease also, the cure is NO.  If you are going to do something for someone or some event or cause, please do it with love and without expectation of reward.  Do things for love or don’t bother to do anything.

Cause and effect, what goes around comes around, as a man thinks so he is…..  Intention to me is a spirit practice, wishing is a head thing and dreams are dreams.

Love & Peace Always

                                                                                                                          Sarah© 2011

                                                                                                                           hopeslifecoaching.com

 

Lesson #3 The 5 D’s of Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa!

During my life I have come to know there are 5 D’s that can really make a mess of the  holiday or any other special time.  The first is DISTANCE!  So many families no longer live in the same city or even the same state or country.  The absence of a family member or friends can be hard, but there are ways to make all of that better.  The phone doesn’t cure everything but it sure helps.  Call your absent friends and family members, it will help.  You can also do something very cool and create your own family.  Blood is not the only thing that connects people.  Reach out to people you have similar interests with, or who are alone themselves.  Start some new traditions with your adopted family.  It can be magical and ease the sadness you might feel.  The second D is DEBT!  It’s a wee bit late to do anything about how much you spent on shopping this year.  But, if you make an intention to do things simpler next year, you and your bank account will feel much better.  Make an intention to be creative and make some gifts and spend way less.  You don’t even have to be creative to do it.  Make a list of ideas and you will be surprised how happy people will be with the simplest gifts.  Once I bought lots of quart size mason jars.  I got some scrap fabric and some batting for quilts, super glue, and construction paper.  I cut the fabric a little bit bigger than the lid, took some batting and glued the batting to the inner seal.  I cover the batting with the fabric and it looked a bit like a pin cushion but it was nice.  I cut out hundreds of hearts from all the different colored pages of construction paper.  You could cut out stars, whatever you like, but I chose hearts.  On each heart I wrote something, folded them in half and put them in the jars.  Here are just a few things I wrote.  “You are amazing”, “treat yourself to a good old fashioned shave at the barber shop”, “this entitles you to one big hug”, “Good for one car wash from me”.  I did hundreds of them.  Then I took a piece of paper, cut out a larger heart and wrote…”A heart a day keeps the blues away.”  I punched a hole in that heart and attached twine to it and wrapped it around the lid.  Those were the gifts I gave people.  Keep things simple.  I have never known anyone to keel over if they din’t max out their credit cards.  The third D is DEATH.  Most of us have lost someone.  The holidays really make that loss feel even harder to bear.  When I lost my dad to cancer I thought my life might end.  It didn’t end and I went on with wonderful memories of him in my heart and mind.  I have lost many people in my life so I have a special journal for them.  I write their names and start listing all the cool, wonderful, loving things about them and times we spent together.  When a special occasion comes or if an ordinary day happens and I find myself falling into sadness, I get that journal out and I read about them and all we shared together.  I will never forget them or stop loving them, but time has a magical way of bringing healing to us, if we let it.  And those we have lost would not want us to be sad.  The fourth D is DIVORCE.  If you knew my life story, you would find what I am about to write totally crazy.  I do not like divorce.  I really think it is way to easy to leave a marriage than it is to stay and put in the effort and love it takes to make it wonderful.  Now if there is abuse of any kind in a marriage, get out as fast as you can.  Divorce is even worse when children are involved.  Set an intention to be kind to your former partner.  Don’t let the children get all tangled up in the mess of it all.  When the holidays arrive, be fair.  It is hard to be away from your children, but when you are with them make that time count.  It’s not about the quantity, it’s all about the quality.  Talk  or write with/to  your former partner and decide together what gifts you will get the children.  Don’t try to buy your children’s love, it does not work and in the long run it will backfire on you.  Make the holidays as special for them as you can, because the holidays are for them after all.  The last D is DRAMA.  Avoid it at all costs by any means necessary.  It is not healthy, it’s not happy, and no one needs it.  So let’s say you are supposed to go somewhere for the holidays that makes you feel ill just thinking about it.  Make an intention and don’t go.  Share with whomever you need to that going there makes you feel uncomfortable and you will do something else.  If you are fighting with a family member and you are supposed to be together during a holiday make an intention to forgive before the holiday gets here.  If that is not possible, think about visiting the family when that person or persons aren’t around.  There is no reason to dread the holidays.  Don’t worry how clean your house is, or how fancy you have decorated things, or how big your tree is.  Relax and breathe.  Make things simple.  Simple is good, healthy, and healing.  Play games, sing songs, share your funniest holiday stories with each other.  Please remember, it is NOT about us at all.

Love & Peace Always

Sarah© 2011

hopeslifecoaching.com