Archive | January 2012

Lesson #28 Loss, Worry, And Fear


Let me start by saying that there are only 2 emotions—-LOVE and FEAR!  So, if you took a piece of paper and wrote LOVE on one side and FEAR on the other, you will quickly see that anger for instance is FEAR based.  Loneliness is FEAR based.  Happiness is LOVE based.  Hope is LOVE based.

Now loss is loss and it falls under fear.  We human beans are hardwired to become fearful when we experience the loss of someone of something we love.  It is NEVER easy to lose what we love.  The wonderful thing is that we have the ability to grieve the loss…now we don’t want to linger too long in the grief or we will get stuck there.  But, once some time has passed, we can celebrate the happiness and moments of joy we had with that person or thing we have lost.  I have a journal that I use only for people who have gone on to Heaven.  It is filled with ever wonderful thing I remember them saying or doing.  If I become sad…which is FEAR based, I grab that journal and read until I laugh.  Enduring a loss can be difficult….is difficult, but time is an enormous healer.  I have a son that I do not see or speak with.  It was actually killing me.  I had to LOVE him and myself enough to let him go.

Worry is another FEAR based thing.  And sadly, it is not a positive thing.  In medicine, we have found that worry causes depression, weight gain, insomnia, headaches, increased blood pressure, increased cholesterol, and it even messes with our blood sugar.  Worry serves no purpose.  When we worry we are hurting ourselves, taking up valuable time (life is very short), ignoring family and friends or our jobs. Worry has led to many a stroke and heart attack.  It is okay to be concerned, but when more than 1 hour of your day is consumed with obsessive worrying you will be in trouble.  Try to do something healthy and positive instead.  If you find yourself beginning to worry, call a friend and talk only about happy things, take a walk, get a coloring book and some cool crayons and color.  Just get out of your head.  Worry has never fixed anything.  Worrying over and over again becomes a habit even an addiction.  Some folks do not know how to live without worry, chaos, and drama.  Peacefulness makes them nervous.  So take some time and flip that worry into a stepping stone toward peace and hope.

Now FEAR is an actual emotion.  It has the ability to paralyze us.  It has the power to take our spirits away and crush them.  Being afraid of spiders or storms is usually normal unless you go into an anxiety attack.  If that is the case I encourage you to talk to a Life Coach or see a professional.  If you find yourself saying things like….”if I was only a better_______this would not have happened”,  “if I had known sooner I could have saved so and so”, “I called everywhere looking for him or her”, “What if I lose my job”, “how will I ever pay for this”.  STOP!! STOP!!  STOP!!  That is all faulty thinking.  You will “coulda, woulda, shoulda, if only, what iffed yourself to an early grave.  No one can make anyone anything, no one can change anyone, no one can control anything but ourselves and the way we react or become proactive toward things.  So let go of the fear.  Let it go please.  It is not helping…it is hurting you.

Loss, worry and fear can become a vicious cycle.  Over and over and over you will go.  I encourage you to make it an intention that you are NOT FEARFUL!!!!!  Write it down on colored index cards…I am not afraid, I am okay, God is in control, I am strong, I am capable…go crazy with the positive affirmations.  It takes 21 days to form a habit…..put those cards everywhere and you WILL STOP being fearful.

You matter.  You are beautiful.  You are capable.  You are not responsible for anyone’s actions but your own.

Peace Always

Sarah© 2012

hopeslifecoaching

If You Really Knew Me…….


You would know I am more than pink hair, tattoos, piercings and the like.  If you really knew me you would not assume anything based on my appearance.  If you really knew me, you would know that I am not brave and strong but I struggle to appear that way.  I am fearful more times than not.  If you really knew me you would know that I am not a “party” creature or fond of groups of people.  I like being alone, but not lonely.  If you really knew me you would know that I miss my dad so very much it hurts; you would know that my mom, my brother and one of my children do not even like me.  This makes me sad, but there is nothing I can do to change that.  If you really knew me you would know that I have less than 5 friends…people who truly know me inside and out.  If you really knew me you would know that life has been difficult for me.  You would know I was molested for several years and blamed myself, I was abused and blamed myself, and I was raped twice and blame myself.  If you really knew me you would know that I grew up hearing….”you aren’t good enough”, “get out of the way”, “why did you live”, “why can’t you be like so and so “, “you ruined my life.”  If you really knew me, you would know that I wear my feelings on the outside and get hurt pretty often.  If you really knew me, you would know that if I love someone, I love them with all that I have and would do anything to help them.  You would know that the word LOVE is important to me and I see it as a verb.  If you really knew me you would know that I have cancer and AIDS but I don’t let them define me.  They are just another stumbling block that I keep flipping over to make a stepping stone going forward.  If you really knew me you would know that I am not impressed by money, cars, clothing, name droppers, fancy anything.  If you really knew me you would know that I envy families that are close knit and care about each other.  That is probably what I have always missed in my life the most.  If you really knew me you would know that the pink hair happened because of the cancer and my need to make a statement about finding a cure.  The tattoos and piercing and my clothing are all meant to keep people at a distance so that they won’t see how shy I really am.  If you really knew me you would know that I have always wanted to make a difference, for the better, in someone’s life.  You would know that if something is wrong, I will speak up and try to fix it or find someone who will.  If you really knew me you would know that I believe drug dealers and child molesters are the same as someone who kills just because they can.  I have no use for them and they are ruining lives every day all around the world.  If you really knew me you would know I love to read, write, listen to music, play in the snow, go fishing and camping, make things, bake, sew, dream, and take naps.  If you really knew me you would know that my husband is a truly wonderful man and I wish I had met him a long time ago.  If you really knew me  you would know that I do matter, I am worthy, I am intelligent, I am somewhat pretty, and I am finally content.  If you really knew me you would know I love words, board games, popcorn, flowers, my dog Pink, my grandchildren I have never met and the grandson I don’t see very often.  If you really knew me you would know I have begun saying to a few people….”you are NOT allowed to be mean to me anymore.”  If you really knew me you would know I lose games on purpose so people won’t know I am smart.  I ask questions I already know the answer to.  You would know that I “dumb down” 95% of the time so people won’t be intimidated by me.  If you really knew me you would know that it takes every ounce of courage I have to speak to groups of “at risk” kids or adults about drugs, alcohol, abuse, and leading a happy life and knowing they matter.  If you really knew me you would know I do that with the hope that it will help just one person.  If you really knew me you would know I go through my day in prayer for others.  I you really knew me you would know that I like things simple, free of chaos and drama, peace filled, hope filled, and joy filled.  If you really knew me you would know I would be very happy living in the country, in a small cozy house with a fireplace, with a huge garden, a few chickens and goats, maybe even a cow.  I would not mind not having a computer, a phone, and all this crazy electronic jazz.  If you really knew me…………

Sarah-Pink Welch © 2012

Facebook:  Sarah-Pink’s Promise

Lesson # 27 Affirmations


When most people think of affirmations, they think of something that’s positive.  But, like many things, affirmations are a double-edged sword.

The power of words is really in play when it comes to affirmations.  If you are dealing with some self-esteem issues and you tend to walk around every day saying things like….I’m not good enough—I’ll never get that job—I don’t want to take the chance—I am so fat—I am not good at this…..well, you are very liable to see those “words” become a self fulfilling prophecy.  When you say things over and over again, you become what you are saying.  It takes 21 days to make something a habit.  It often takes a lifetime to break them.

Affirmations are often a type of “faking it until you make it” exercise!  Stand in front of a mirror and every time you do say…I love you to yourself.  Then get some colorful index cards and write great things on them…for example, I am capable—I am worthy—I am lovable—I am funny—I attract good people into my life—I am healthy—I am responsible.  Tape them all over your home so that you will be sure to see them.  The last time I checked, God is not in the business of creating junk.  People do, but not God.  None of us are perfect.  We are people always in process; unless you have given up.  I want to encourage you to give yourself chances.  You matter.  You are important.  You add value to other people’s lives.  You are stronger than you realize.  You are doing the next right thing.

So, make a decision, an intention, to love yourself…flaws and all.  If you don’t care about yourself no one else will either.

Sarah© 2012

hopeslifecoaching.com

Lesson #26 Addiction……..the parent


I don’t think I can do this anymore.  I feel so alone.  I don’t know where my child is or if they are even still alive.  I have called the hospitals, the police, the morgue…they aren’t there yet thank God.  But, if God is so good why won’t He bring my child home??  Ohhh I think I am loosing my mind.  If I go to one more meeting and have to hear someone say, I will be praying for you or I know how you feel, or God is in charge, I may just punch someone.  How could anyone possibly know how I feel?????

We’re getting a divorce you know.  My partner can’t handle the chaos….I guess they think I can.  I miss too much work these days, I have to take the other kids to school and who can afford a sitter?  I don’t know what I will do.  I will have to move for sure….but if I move and my child tries to come home, the house will be empty.  Oh please….someone help me!  Tell me what to do!

Retirement was supposed to be different than this.  We had plans to travel and see the world.  Now we have used almost all of our savings and we are watching the grandchildren….well they live here now.  We are their guardians according to the judge.  We don’t have any insurance for them and I worry so much.  The lawyers always want their money right now but where was the justice system when I was begging them for help when my now 44 year child was 12????  We really don’t talk about our child much.  The grandbabies ask questions but I just tell them that mommy/daddy is sick.  Well it’s true I guess and not really a lie.  We don’t go to those meetings the social worker told us about.  What on earth would they know about any of this mess?

When I think of the peace we felt when our child has been in jail it was sure better than this not knowing where they are or if they are.  When the phone rings it scares us.  We never let the grand babies answer, just in case it’s the police or…the morgue.  We don’t see our old friends anymore.  We are busy being parents again and maybe, just maybe we will get it right this time.  We know it’s our fault our child is like they are.  We must have done things wrong.  This time though, with the grand-babies….we will raise them right.

Sarah© 2012

hopeslifecoaching.com

Lesson #25 Addiction………..the addict–the drug


Okay look, all I need is $20 and I promise I’ll pay you back Friday.  Really, I will.       Mom/dad/whomever….I promise to stop.  I don’t need rehab, I can do it myself.    I am so tired of you preachin’ at me.   I know what I’m doing.  Nobody gets addicted to pot…it’s legal in some states.  I’m 12 I know what I’m doing.   Mom/dad/whomever, they have me in jail on some bogus charge.  I swear I didn’t do it, just please bail me out.  Damn it, I’m 42, I know what I can do….it’s a free country.

I will make you steal.  I will help you lie so easily it’s like taking candy from a baby.  I will take away every friend you ever thought you had.  I will control every single ugly minute of your life.  You will be so sick without me you will sell yourself to get me.  I own your body, your mind, your soul….you chase me like the dragon that I am…remember the first time?…maybe, just maybe you will feel like that one more time…chase me, follow me….use me again…I will let you sleep on the grass in the rain, I will let you crave me in a rat infested, vacant shell of a house.  You’re my shell now.  See, just like you thought.  You are nobody.  You don’t matter.  Oh yeah, sure you call them and they say they love you….it’s a lie…I am your truth.  What can ever be better than me?  You can count on me every time you shove me up your veins or nose or whatever space you find.  I love you see.  I make all the bad go away.  I make you numb.  I am the only answer that makes sense……..aren’t I??

Dad/mom/whomever…the police called while you were at the store and they say that xxxxxxx is in the hospital.  You have to hurry cuz’ they said they were really sick.  Please hurry mom/dad/whomever I don’t want them to die.

They say they love me, but I don’t know what that feels like anymore.  I can’t eat or sleep and they want to send me someplace where I won’t use.  They have to be crazy.    chase me    I really am kind of tired of this.  I’m sick and dirty and the rain is such a drag.    follow me    I don’t even remember what it’s like to be straight…how crazy is that??  I do miss the family but I have to stop this first before they will let me come back.    i own you

Sarah© 2012

hopeslifecoaching.com

Lesson #24 What I Know For Certain


No matter how much sadness there is in the world these days, I think that most people are inherently good and would do whatever it took to help others.

My grandma is 100 years old and she sees the world in a different way than I do.  Things were different for her when she was younger.  Hard work, little money, few clothes, little education, friends helping friends, neighbors reaching out to their neighbors, family dinner time…I see some of that today.  When something tragic happens, people tend to come to help.  There are always causes to raise money for.  But, I don’t really believe that’s the basis of “goodness”.

What is goodness.  To me it is about always doing the next right thing;  it’s about not being right but being happy;  it’s about following the rules as crazy as some seem;  it’s about being as available as you can be for others.

Goodness is a cool intention to set for yourself.  Good could even become the next awesome thing! It is different than kindness.  But it so many cases goodness and kindness go hand in hand.

When you give goodness that is exactly what will come back to you.  If you show kindness it will be shown to you.  I absolutely love doing things that not many people notice me doing.  Like paying for the gas the person will be getting who is waiting in line behind me.  I may not always know exactly how much they need, but I give them a head start.  Or leaving a small fruit basket  or flowers on a neighbors porch just because.  I don’t eat fast-food, but I do drink iced tea…and when I get to the window to pay, I pay for the folks in the car behind me.  It’s just what I like doing and it sure does add to my joy ratio.

There is no way in the world that there are not tons of people filled with goodness.  That saying about “attracting more bees with honey than vinegar” is so true.

So what do you think goodness is and what do you do for the sake of it?

Peace Always

Sarah© 2012

hopeslifecoaching.com

Lesson #23 Appreciation


Appreciation.  What a lovely, 5 syllable word.  I looked it up in the dictionary and this is what I found:

noun

1.

gratitude; thankful recognition: They showed their appreciationby giving him a gold watch.
2.

the act of estimating the qualities of things and giving them their proper value.
3.

clear perception or recognition, especially of aesthetic quality: a course in art appreciation.
4.

an increase or rise in the value of property, goods, etc.
5.

critical notice; evaluation; opinion, as of a situation, person,etc.
 
Last night, like many other nights, I went outside.  It was a cloudless, full moon, January night.  The stars were amazing as usual and once again, took my breath away.  I get the same feeling when I hear small children laughing, or when a spring breeze blows my wind  chimes around.  Appreciation.  The noun.  For as long as I can remember I have had a deep appreciation for the small things in my part of the world.  My grandpa, who is now on the other side once said to me when I was crouched down,  overjoyed in a field of wild violets….most folks think those are weeds sweetie.  Oh my, oh my!!!  Two dozen roses, delivered in a box can’t take my breath away like wild violets.  Then again, I also think the dandelion needs to be our national flower.  🙂
Small things.  Blowing bubbles like a child, playing jump rope, finding cool stones in a creek, listening to the crickets at night in the summer.  Small things that I don’t take for granted.  My intention has always been, not to miss a thing.  I pay attention to everything and stay away from sensory overload.  I see the rainbows, I see the first snowflakes, I hear the first rumble of thunder off in the distance, I see the newest buds on the tress, I watch the older man and woman as they dance together like they did when they were younger.
I appreciate all of it.  I believe and recognize the “aesthetic” quality of what others may call weeds or noise or weather.
Take some time to pause and breathe.  Look up once in awhile, or look down when you take a walk in the park…like head for the trees and allow yourself to be filled with appreciation of the small things.
 
Sarah-Pink Welch ©2012
 
Facebook: Sarah-Pink’s Promise