Tag Archive | compassion

The Cancer!


Here is my body’s cancer journey…….

In 1963 I was 8 years old.  It was Christmas Eve morning and my mother was giving me a bath.  She felt 3 small lumps, where my left breast would develop later.  I was born a sickly child, so she quickly called our family doctor and told him I needed to be seen right then and there.  This was 1963, so doctors were a lot different than most are now.  He told my mother to meet him at his office in a few minutes.  We arrived, doc checked me out, looked at my mother and said, “Jane, these are just breast buds and there’s nothing to worry about.”  We went home and had a nice Christmas holiday.

I need to digress a bit so that you will get a clearer picture of things.  My paternal grandma was a Messianic Jew who lived in Germany with her sisters, brothers and parents.  For those of you who may not know what a Messianic Jew is, it simply means that my Grandma and her entire family were Jewish but believed strongly in Jesus.  Hitler was doing what Hitler did at the time, and eventually his group rounded up my Grandma’s entire family and they ended up as prisoners in Auschwitz…a concentration camp in Poland.  My grandma’s parents and her brothers were killed almost immediately, which left my Grandma and her two sisters..my Great Aunts’ Louise and Clara.  While being held there, they endured horrid things, the worst being experiments by Dr. Josef Mengele also known as “The Angel of Death.”  Eventually, the found freedom and ended up on Ellis Island.

As I was growing up I can’t remember a year that passed when someone on my grandma’s side of the family died of cancer.  Every single year it was a cousin, an child of a cousin, eventually my grandma, my dad’s sister, my great aunts….gone.  All from some weird, never seen before cancer.  Today, April 13th, 2012, the only people left are my brother, his daughter, myself, my three sons, and their children.  My eldest son, develops tumors often and thank God, once they are removed I breathe easier….until another shows up.

In 1984, I was working and I began to feel unusually tired, and I was thin to begin with but I began loosing weight and did not have much of an appetite.  I went to the doctor….the same one I had when I was 8, and he sent me to the hospital for a mammogram.  Well, they found multiple masses in both breasts.  I was 29…and I’m thinking..are they crazy or what.  On May 3rd, 1984 I received my diagnosis of Stage 4 breast cancer.  I had 3 sons, and my husband heard cancer, packed his things and left.  From May through mid October I went through radiation and chemo.  And 21 years and 1 day to the date of “having breast buds”, I had no boobettes at all.

All should have been much better right?  Wrong.  I recovered from the surgery, went through more treatment, and got a divorce and was still feeling not so wonderful.  There is a big difference between chemo sick and something’s not right in Denmark sick.  So, my husband had taken me off his insurance when he left…and I wasn’t aware of that.  I ended up being placed in a clinical trial because I had a rare form of cancer seen only in people who had any association with the good old Angel of Death!  Thank you God that my husband cancelled my insurance.  Had he not, I would not be here now.

I have made my final arrangements at least 16 times, tied up my loose ends often, had the hard talk with my boys, then with their wives, then with my grandchildren.  My cancer is insane.  Nothing is there one minute and the next week I have a new mass.  So far I have had the double radical mastectomy, part of my colon removed, my left kidney removed, it has invaded my throat, my ears, my lower jaw had to be removed and replaced, I have had tumors attached to the inside of my skull, 2 knee replacements, and currently I have a tumor in my heart.  It is shrinking, but I sure wish it would just vanish because this chemo has never been used on a human before.  I am the experimental rat your parents warned you about.  :o) I have to make it funny or I would go to my bed and just let go.  But, I love life.  Life is so amazingly beautiful to me it takes my breath away.  This cancer, as ugly as it is, has taught me how to live out loud, it has taught me kindness, compassion, the power of prayer and so much more.  I know what is really important and special in life and I am blessed.

When I had my first surgery, December 26th, 1984 I required blood transfusions.  In 1984 there was no way to screen blood for HIV.  A decade plus later I receive a letter from the blood bank stating that one of my blood donors had died due to complications of AIDS and they urged me to see my doctor immediately.  Well….yes I was HIV+ and now I am full blown AIDS.  I am making it.  I keep smiling even if I am faking it.  I lost my hair so many times I actually love being bald…but when I have hair it is PINK.  I have one pair of regular blue jeans that were my daddies, but if you open my closet you will feel like you just walked right into a bottle of Pepto Bismol.  I still have the old yellow star that my grandma was made to wear so that everyone new she was Jewish.  I take it with me to treatment.  I have never asked God, “why me.”  Why not me?  Better me than someone else, and because of all the experimental drugs all these years, people are using them and getting well.  So I don’t mind at all.

This is the story of my body’s cancer.  I am 57 now and I have no intention of leaving for awhile.  I will plant my pink flowers in the yard, drive my little Volkswagen Beetle when I can, and I am going to keep on smiling.

Sarah-Pink Welch ©2012

Facebook: Sarah-Pink’s Promise

UPDATE:  As of February 5th, 2013 I was removed from chemotherapy and put into a new study….all though the cancer is still here, it is quiet and I am participating in a French/Canadian study that is showing great promise.

UPDATE:  A full year has almost come and gone.  I still have the cancer but it seems to be taking a nap.  I am doing as well as I can and I feel wonderful.

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Lesson #20 Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion…..or a God Law


Newton’s 3rd of of motion states…For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  This statement it may seem rather contradictory.  So, here goes in people terms.  The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. The direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object. Forces always come in pairs – equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs.  It is even better to say…what goes around comes around, some folks call it Karma, some say what you give is what you get.

Nonetheless I think it is simply cause and effect.  When we throw a stone in a still pond it causes ripples.  As far as intention goes, before you take any action, stop and make clear your intention. Make sure your intentions are good, and good is what will be returned to you.  Intention is what causes the effect.

I happen to call this one of God’s Laws.  If you don’t have God, whomever or whatever is your higher power can be used.  When you are dealing with this law, you must walk, eat, sleep, and breathe your talk.  

We as people are energy.  I big, walking, talking form of energy.  We have the ability to affect people and things around us.  If we step off a boat onto the bank of a lake: as we move in the direction of the shore, the boat tends to move in the opposite direction (leaving us facedown in the water, if we aren’t careful)!  Every action we take creates a reaction in the world.  The total of all those actions is what we call our LIFE.

If you happen to be a person that is angry, you will without fail, attract angry people and situations into your life over and over again.  It’s similar to the definition of insanity some people use:  doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for a different result.  It just isn’t going to work.  If you want love, hope, wellness, prosperity, compassion, energy, flexibility, that is what needs to go out from your very core.

When we have made an intention that we want peace, calmness, happy people, etc., in our lives, it often means we must give up those people of situations that are the opposite of that.  There are people in my own life that I have basically had to separate myself from because they cause me hurt, both physically and emotionally.  Do I miss them, of course!  I also hope, pray and have made an intention that there will be reconciliation with them.

Take a really good look at yourself in the mirror.  What do you really want to be in this world?  Someone that attracts goodness or someone who thrives on chaos.  If you died tomorrow, what words would be used in your eulogy to describe you and your life?

I had an illness.  It was called the Dis-ease to Please.  If anyone wanted anything they came to me.  Why?  Was I the best?  Was I the go to person?  None of those things.  I lacked the ability to say NO.  Now I use that word without guilt or regret and feel so much better for it.  If you have the dis-ease also, the cure is NO.  If you are going to do something for someone or some event or cause, please do it with love and without expectation of reward.  Do things for love or don’t bother to do anything.

Cause and effect, what goes around comes around, as a man thinks so he is…..  Intention to me is a spirit practice, wishing is a head thing and dreams are dreams.

Love & Peace Always

                                                                                                                          Sarah© 2011

                                                                                                                           hopeslifecoaching.com