Tag Archive | Love

The Cancer!


Here is my body’s cancer journey…….

In 1963 I was 8 years old.  It was Christmas Eve morning and my mother was giving me a bath.  She felt 3 small lumps, where my left breast would develop later.  I was born a sickly child, so she quickly called our family doctor and told him I needed to be seen right then and there.  This was 1963, so doctors were a lot different than most are now.  He told my mother to meet him at his office in a few minutes.  We arrived, doc checked me out, looked at my mother and said, “Jane, these are just breast buds and there’s nothing to worry about.”  We went home and had a nice Christmas holiday.

I need to digress a bit so that you will get a clearer picture of things.  My paternal grandma was a Messianic Jew who lived in Germany with her sisters, brothers and parents.  For those of you who may not know what a Messianic Jew is, it simply means that my Grandma and her entire family were Jewish but believed strongly in Jesus.  Hitler was doing what Hitler did at the time, and eventually his group rounded up my Grandma’s entire family and they ended up as prisoners in Auschwitz…a concentration camp in Poland.  My grandma’s parents and her brothers were killed almost immediately, which left my Grandma and her two sisters..my Great Aunts’ Louise and Clara.  While being held there, they endured horrid things, the worst being experiments by Dr. Josef Mengele also known as “The Angel of Death.”  Eventually, the found freedom and ended up on Ellis Island.

As I was growing up I can’t remember a year that passed when someone on my grandma’s side of the family died of cancer.  Every single year it was a cousin, an child of a cousin, eventually my grandma, my dad’s sister, my great aunts….gone.  All from some weird, never seen before cancer.  Today, April 13th, 2012, the only people left are my brother, his daughter, myself, my three sons, and their children.  My eldest son, develops tumors often and thank God, once they are removed I breathe easier….until another shows up.

In 1984, I was working and I began to feel unusually tired, and I was thin to begin with but I began loosing weight and did not have much of an appetite.  I went to the doctor….the same one I had when I was 8, and he sent me to the hospital for a mammogram.  Well, they found multiple masses in both breasts.  I was 29…and I’m thinking..are they crazy or what.  On May 3rd, 1984 I received my diagnosis of Stage 4 breast cancer.  I had 3 sons, and my husband heard cancer, packed his things and left.  From May through mid October I went through radiation and chemo.  And 21 years and 1 day to the date of “having breast buds”, I had no boobettes at all.

All should have been much better right?  Wrong.  I recovered from the surgery, went through more treatment, and got a divorce and was still feeling not so wonderful.  There is a big difference between chemo sick and something’s not right in Denmark sick.  So, my husband had taken me off his insurance when he left…and I wasn’t aware of that.  I ended up being placed in a clinical trial because I had a rare form of cancer seen only in people who had any association with the good old Angel of Death!  Thank you God that my husband cancelled my insurance.  Had he not, I would not be here now.

I have made my final arrangements at least 16 times, tied up my loose ends often, had the hard talk with my boys, then with their wives, then with my grandchildren.  My cancer is insane.  Nothing is there one minute and the next week I have a new mass.  So far I have had the double radical mastectomy, part of my colon removed, my left kidney removed, it has invaded my throat, my ears, my lower jaw had to be removed and replaced, I have had tumors attached to the inside of my skull, 2 knee replacements, and currently I have a tumor in my heart.  It is shrinking, but I sure wish it would just vanish because this chemo has never been used on a human before.  I am the experimental rat your parents warned you about.  :o) I have to make it funny or I would go to my bed and just let go.  But, I love life.  Life is so amazingly beautiful to me it takes my breath away.  This cancer, as ugly as it is, has taught me how to live out loud, it has taught me kindness, compassion, the power of prayer and so much more.  I know what is really important and special in life and I am blessed.

When I had my first surgery, December 26th, 1984 I required blood transfusions.  In 1984 there was no way to screen blood for HIV.  A decade plus later I receive a letter from the blood bank stating that one of my blood donors had died due to complications of AIDS and they urged me to see my doctor immediately.  Well….yes I was HIV+ and now I am full blown AIDS.  I am making it.  I keep smiling even if I am faking it.  I lost my hair so many times I actually love being bald…but when I have hair it is PINK.  I have one pair of regular blue jeans that were my daddies, but if you open my closet you will feel like you just walked right into a bottle of Pepto Bismol.  I still have the old yellow star that my grandma was made to wear so that everyone new she was Jewish.  I take it with me to treatment.  I have never asked God, “why me.”  Why not me?  Better me than someone else, and because of all the experimental drugs all these years, people are using them and getting well.  So I don’t mind at all.

This is the story of my body’s cancer.  I am 57 now and I have no intention of leaving for awhile.  I will plant my pink flowers in the yard, drive my little Volkswagen Beetle when I can, and I am going to keep on smiling.

Sarah-Pink Welch ©2012

Facebook: Sarah-Pink’s Promise

UPDATE:  As of February 5th, 2013 I was removed from chemotherapy and put into a new study….all though the cancer is still here, it is quiet and I am participating in a French/Canadian study that is showing great promise.

UPDATE:  A full year has almost come and gone.  I still have the cancer but it seems to be taking a nap.  I am doing as well as I can and I feel wonderful.

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Lesson #34 Addicted To Your Story March 27th 2012


My friend, who knows me as well as I know myself suggested I “get honest” and by writing this I am being truly honest.  You may not like it, you may be afraid, you may have an “AHA” moment.  Whatever happens, this is my truth to you.

I have been a Life Coach for more than 2 decades.  I have worked with many types of people….I am an equal opportunity Life Coach.  This is what I know for certain.  All people have a “story”.  Everyone!  The bad thing about that is you become ADDICTED to your story.  It is like everything else….if you keep repeating that story over and over again you become that which you are telling.  I am a recovering addict/alcoholic, and I have told my story so many times I lost count.  I do know that I had to stop telling it and for 99% of the time I have stopped.  The addict me, the alcoholic me, the adult child of an alcoholic me, the sexually abused me, the physically abused me is dead, the cancer patient me is dead, the full blown AIDS me is dead.  She is dead, she is gone, she is buried.

I was addicted to the groups I attended every single day became a new addiction for me.  Thinking of NOT going to a meeting caused me major anxiety attacks.  God intervened and I do not attend meetings everyday.  What I was doing was switching addictions.  Everyone I have ever met has an addiction.  Food, being perfect, sex, sitting at their computers doing anything but work, spending, accumulating stuff, eating, not eating, exercise, alcohol, over working, drugs, anger…the list of addictions is endless.

At the core of our being is some kind of PAIN…….which stands for Pay Attention Inward Now.  When we have become sick and tired enough or being sick and tired, we can reach inside and Feel that pain, Deal with that pain, and then Heal that pain.  I make it sound so easy and I know it is not.  But….you can stop to dragging it around like a security blanket.  Our pain can be from being abused, lied to, being told lies about ourselves, feeling alone and unloved,  feeling unworthy and less than.  All LIES!!!!!!  But, we keep sharing our story with anyone who will listen or read it….because that is all the identity we have.

I want you to know that you are able and allowed to heal.  I want you to know that you are worthy.  I want you to know that are loved.  I want you to know that you are not alone.  I want you to know that God does not make junk and the Big Bang Theory just doesn’t hold up.  I want you to know that as long as you keep hanging onto your story that is exactly what you will have in your present life.  Chaos, drama, fear, uncertainty, illness…they have become your companions.  Without them, you panic and have no clue who or what you are.

You are stuck in the muck of it all.  So, you decide.  Who are you now, minus your entire story?  What is your vision?  What do you really want your life to look like?

God will and can help you.  Stop living your old story….it is really not who you can be.  It is ugly, infectious, and it is not the present.  Holding onto it also acts like a dust catcher, so all the yuck in the world will keep sticking to your life, your very being.  Is that what you really want?  Yes, it is scary to think about all of this.  Without your story….who are you?  Without your story….who will you have to validate you?

I am asking you, encouraging you to take a leap of faith and Pay Attention Inward Now, then Feel it, Deal with it, and Heal it.  Lose the story.  Create your vision.  Learn to love living in peace.  It’s okay.  Just because happiness and peace may be something that you have never known consistently or had mere glimpses of, you have nothing to lose.  Your story will always be there if you have to live in the muck of it all.

I am here if you need me to help you co-author your New Life Story.  I am here to walk that journey with you.  You deserve better and when you know better, you do better.

Now you know the truth.  Are you willing to let go?

Sarah© 2012

hopeslifecoaching.com

***The Lemonade Stand®***


The Lemonade Stand® is a very special, and real place.  It is made up of a very diverse group of amazing people.  You will find The Lemonade Stand® on Facebook right now.  Soon, it will stand in it’s own light.  If you would like to join us, just send a friend request to Sarah-Pink Welch and leave a message with The Lemonade Stand on it.

The group was created to allow folks to come together with a single focus…..Whole Life Wellness.  That’s Mind, body, spirit, their homes, finances, relationships, their jobs and on and on.  If one part of your life lacks balance, everything else will sooner than later suffer for it.  When you ignore your own physical being how will you ever be able to show up for work and be productive?  If you have drama and chaos in your life, how will you raise happy, well adjusted children?  You won’t.

My colleague and Jersey sistah, came up with the idea to form a group on Facebook.  Diane Robertelli……you are one amazing and extraordinary woman!!!!  We are both Certified Life Coaches.  We have extensive backgrounds in fields that led us into the field of helping other people to live their best lives.  It’s our passion.  It’s our honor.  It’s our joy to walk the journey with the people we work with.  We love to see the healing take place, we love to see people make intentions and actually see them come to fruition.

So, if life has been handing you lemons, come join us at The Lemonade Stand®.  Pull up a chair and we’ll get to know you as we sip away on tall glasses of sweet, pink lemonade.

Sarah© 2012

hopeslifecoaching.com

Lesson #28 Loss, Worry, And Fear


Let me start by saying that there are only 2 emotions—-LOVE and FEAR!  So, if you took a piece of paper and wrote LOVE on one side and FEAR on the other, you will quickly see that anger for instance is FEAR based.  Loneliness is FEAR based.  Happiness is LOVE based.  Hope is LOVE based.

Now loss is loss and it falls under fear.  We human beans are hardwired to become fearful when we experience the loss of someone of something we love.  It is NEVER easy to lose what we love.  The wonderful thing is that we have the ability to grieve the loss…now we don’t want to linger too long in the grief or we will get stuck there.  But, once some time has passed, we can celebrate the happiness and moments of joy we had with that person or thing we have lost.  I have a journal that I use only for people who have gone on to Heaven.  It is filled with ever wonderful thing I remember them saying or doing.  If I become sad…which is FEAR based, I grab that journal and read until I laugh.  Enduring a loss can be difficult….is difficult, but time is an enormous healer.  I have a son that I do not see or speak with.  It was actually killing me.  I had to LOVE him and myself enough to let him go.

Worry is another FEAR based thing.  And sadly, it is not a positive thing.  In medicine, we have found that worry causes depression, weight gain, insomnia, headaches, increased blood pressure, increased cholesterol, and it even messes with our blood sugar.  Worry serves no purpose.  When we worry we are hurting ourselves, taking up valuable time (life is very short), ignoring family and friends or our jobs. Worry has led to many a stroke and heart attack.  It is okay to be concerned, but when more than 1 hour of your day is consumed with obsessive worrying you will be in trouble.  Try to do something healthy and positive instead.  If you find yourself beginning to worry, call a friend and talk only about happy things, take a walk, get a coloring book and some cool crayons and color.  Just get out of your head.  Worry has never fixed anything.  Worrying over and over again becomes a habit even an addiction.  Some folks do not know how to live without worry, chaos, and drama.  Peacefulness makes them nervous.  So take some time and flip that worry into a stepping stone toward peace and hope.

Now FEAR is an actual emotion.  It has the ability to paralyze us.  It has the power to take our spirits away and crush them.  Being afraid of spiders or storms is usually normal unless you go into an anxiety attack.  If that is the case I encourage you to talk to a Life Coach or see a professional.  If you find yourself saying things like….”if I was only a better_______this would not have happened”,  “if I had known sooner I could have saved so and so”, “I called everywhere looking for him or her”, “What if I lose my job”, “how will I ever pay for this”.  STOP!! STOP!!  STOP!!  That is all faulty thinking.  You will “coulda, woulda, shoulda, if only, what iffed yourself to an early grave.  No one can make anyone anything, no one can change anyone, no one can control anything but ourselves and the way we react or become proactive toward things.  So let go of the fear.  Let it go please.  It is not helping…it is hurting you.

Loss, worry and fear can become a vicious cycle.  Over and over and over you will go.  I encourage you to make it an intention that you are NOT FEARFUL!!!!!  Write it down on colored index cards…I am not afraid, I am okay, God is in control, I am strong, I am capable…go crazy with the positive affirmations.  It takes 21 days to form a habit…..put those cards everywhere and you WILL STOP being fearful.

You matter.  You are beautiful.  You are capable.  You are not responsible for anyone’s actions but your own.

Peace Always

Sarah© 2012

hopeslifecoaching

If You Really Knew Me…….


You would know I am more than pink hair, tattoos, piercings and the like.  If you really knew me you would not assume anything based on my appearance.  If you really knew me, you would know that I am not brave and strong but I struggle to appear that way.  I am fearful more times than not.  If you really knew me you would know that I am not a “party” creature or fond of groups of people.  I like being alone, but not lonely.  If you really knew me you would know that I miss my dad so very much it hurts; you would know that my mom, my brother and one of my children do not even like me.  This makes me sad, but there is nothing I can do to change that.  If you really knew me you would know that I have less than 5 friends…people who truly know me inside and out.  If you really knew me you would know that life has been difficult for me.  You would know I was molested for several years and blamed myself, I was abused and blamed myself, and I was raped twice and blame myself.  If you really knew me you would know that I grew up hearing….”you aren’t good enough”, “get out of the way”, “why did you live”, “why can’t you be like so and so “, “you ruined my life.”  If you really knew me, you would know that I wear my feelings on the outside and get hurt pretty often.  If you really knew me, you would know that if I love someone, I love them with all that I have and would do anything to help them.  You would know that the word LOVE is important to me and I see it as a verb.  If you really knew me you would know that I have cancer and AIDS but I don’t let them define me.  They are just another stumbling block that I keep flipping over to make a stepping stone going forward.  If you really knew me you would know that I am not impressed by money, cars, clothing, name droppers, fancy anything.  If you really knew me you would know that I envy families that are close knit and care about each other.  That is probably what I have always missed in my life the most.  If you really knew me you would know that the pink hair happened because of the cancer and my need to make a statement about finding a cure.  The tattoos and piercing and my clothing are all meant to keep people at a distance so that they won’t see how shy I really am.  If you really knew me you would know that I have always wanted to make a difference, for the better, in someone’s life.  You would know that if something is wrong, I will speak up and try to fix it or find someone who will.  If you really knew me you would know that I believe drug dealers and child molesters are the same as someone who kills just because they can.  I have no use for them and they are ruining lives every day all around the world.  If you really knew me you would know I love to read, write, listen to music, play in the snow, go fishing and camping, make things, bake, sew, dream, and take naps.  If you really knew me you would know that my husband is a truly wonderful man and I wish I had met him a long time ago.  If you really knew me  you would know that I do matter, I am worthy, I am intelligent, I am somewhat pretty, and I am finally content.  If you really knew me you would know I love words, board games, popcorn, flowers, my dog Pink, my grandchildren I have never met and the grandson I don’t see very often.  If you really knew me you would know I have begun saying to a few people….”you are NOT allowed to be mean to me anymore.”  If you really knew me you would know I lose games on purpose so people won’t know I am smart.  I ask questions I already know the answer to.  You would know that I “dumb down” 95% of the time so people won’t be intimidated by me.  If you really knew me you would know that it takes every ounce of courage I have to speak to groups of “at risk” kids or adults about drugs, alcohol, abuse, and leading a happy life and knowing they matter.  If you really knew me you would know I do that with the hope that it will help just one person.  If you really knew me you would know I go through my day in prayer for others.  I you really knew me you would know that I like things simple, free of chaos and drama, peace filled, hope filled, and joy filled.  If you really knew me you would know I would be very happy living in the country, in a small cozy house with a fireplace, with a huge garden, a few chickens and goats, maybe even a cow.  I would not mind not having a computer, a phone, and all this crazy electronic jazz.  If you really knew me…………

Sarah-Pink Welch © 2012

Facebook:  Sarah-Pink’s Promise

Happy Happy 2012


Hi everyone!!!  I hope this finds you doing better than well and looking forward to the brand new year.  For the past 2 weeks the words awesome and extraordinary keep popping into my brain when I think of 2012.

So from me to all you, I wish you an extraordinary new year and I know that each and every day will be amazing for you all.  Just look for the small things and there will be magic.

I have my 4 page Intention List made and am so looking forward to how everything works out.  The Internet radio show I will be co-hosting with my colleague and friend Diane airs for the first time this Thursday January 5th at 9:00 pm ET  It will be amazing.  Diane is a wonderful Life Coach and human bean :o)  You are going to love her.  You can find us at blogtalkradio.com/livingalifeofintention  If you want to call in with a question the number is 347-838-9715  We also have a chat room that is available after the show.  You can also email us.  The info for that is on the radio show page and my website  hopeslifecoaching.com

So, be happy, be content, take some risks, live out loud, dance in the rain, color outside the lines and remember, Making a small difference is just as beneficial as a large one….sometimes even more!!!

Love & Peace Always

Sarah© 2012

hopeslifecoaching.com

Lesson #20 Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion…..or a God Law


Newton’s 3rd of of motion states…For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  This statement it may seem rather contradictory.  So, here goes in people terms.  The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. The direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object. Forces always come in pairs – equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs.  It is even better to say…what goes around comes around, some folks call it Karma, some say what you give is what you get.

Nonetheless I think it is simply cause and effect.  When we throw a stone in a still pond it causes ripples.  As far as intention goes, before you take any action, stop and make clear your intention. Make sure your intentions are good, and good is what will be returned to you.  Intention is what causes the effect.

I happen to call this one of God’s Laws.  If you don’t have God, whomever or whatever is your higher power can be used.  When you are dealing with this law, you must walk, eat, sleep, and breathe your talk.  

We as people are energy.  I big, walking, talking form of energy.  We have the ability to affect people and things around us.  If we step off a boat onto the bank of a lake: as we move in the direction of the shore, the boat tends to move in the opposite direction (leaving us facedown in the water, if we aren’t careful)!  Every action we take creates a reaction in the world.  The total of all those actions is what we call our LIFE.

If you happen to be a person that is angry, you will without fail, attract angry people and situations into your life over and over again.  It’s similar to the definition of insanity some people use:  doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for a different result.  It just isn’t going to work.  If you want love, hope, wellness, prosperity, compassion, energy, flexibility, that is what needs to go out from your very core.

When we have made an intention that we want peace, calmness, happy people, etc., in our lives, it often means we must give up those people of situations that are the opposite of that.  There are people in my own life that I have basically had to separate myself from because they cause me hurt, both physically and emotionally.  Do I miss them, of course!  I also hope, pray and have made an intention that there will be reconciliation with them.

Take a really good look at yourself in the mirror.  What do you really want to be in this world?  Someone that attracts goodness or someone who thrives on chaos.  If you died tomorrow, what words would be used in your eulogy to describe you and your life?

I had an illness.  It was called the Dis-ease to Please.  If anyone wanted anything they came to me.  Why?  Was I the best?  Was I the go to person?  None of those things.  I lacked the ability to say NO.  Now I use that word without guilt or regret and feel so much better for it.  If you have the dis-ease also, the cure is NO.  If you are going to do something for someone or some event or cause, please do it with love and without expectation of reward.  Do things for love or don’t bother to do anything.

Cause and effect, what goes around comes around, as a man thinks so he is…..  Intention to me is a spirit practice, wishing is a head thing and dreams are dreams.

Love & Peace Always

                                                                                                                          Sarah© 2011

                                                                                                                           hopeslifecoaching.com