If You Really Knew Me…….


You would know I am more than pink hair, tattoos, piercings and the like.  If you really knew me you would not assume anything based on my appearance.  If you really knew me, you would know that I am not brave and strong but I struggle to appear that way.  I am fearful more times than not.  If you really knew me you would know that I am not a “party” creature or fond of groups of people.  I like being alone, but not lonely.  If you really knew me you would know that I miss my dad so very much it hurts; you would know that my mom, my brother and one of my children do not even like me.  This makes me sad, but there is nothing I can do to change that.  If you really knew me you would know that I have less than 5 friends…people who truly know me inside and out.  If you really knew me you would know that life has been difficult for me.  You would know I was molested for several years and blamed myself, I was abused and blamed myself, and I was raped twice and blame myself.  If you really knew me you would know that I grew up hearing….”you aren’t good enough”, “get out of the way”, “why did you live”, “why can’t you be like so and so “, “you ruined my life.”  If you really knew me, you would know that I wear my feelings on the outside and get hurt pretty often.  If you really knew me, you would know that if I love someone, I love them with all that I have and would do anything to help them.  You would know that the word LOVE is important to me and I see it as a verb.  If you really knew me you would know that I have cancer and AIDS but I don’t let them define me.  They are just another stumbling block that I keep flipping over to make a stepping stone going forward.  If you really knew me you would know that I am not impressed by money, cars, clothing, name droppers, fancy anything.  If you really knew me you would know that I envy families that are close knit and care about each other.  That is probably what I have always missed in my life the most.  If you really knew me you would know that the pink hair happened because of the cancer and my need to make a statement about finding a cure.  The tattoos and piercing and my clothing are all meant to keep people at a distance so that they won’t see how shy I really am.  If you really knew me you would know that I have always wanted to make a difference, for the better, in someone’s life.  You would know that if something is wrong, I will speak up and try to fix it or find someone who will.  If you really knew me you would know that I believe drug dealers and child molesters are the same as someone who kills just because they can.  I have no use for them and they are ruining lives every day all around the world.  If you really knew me you would know I love to read, write, listen to music, play in the snow, go fishing and camping, make things, bake, sew, dream, and take naps.  If you really knew me you would know that my husband is a truly wonderful man and I wish I had met him a long time ago.  If you really knew me  you would know that I do matter, I am worthy, I am intelligent, I am somewhat pretty, and I am finally content.  If you really knew me you would know I love words, board games, popcorn, flowers, my dog Pink, my grandchildren I have never met and the grandson I don’t see very often.  If you really knew me you would know I have begun saying to a few people….”you are NOT allowed to be mean to me anymore.”  If you really knew me you would know I lose games on purpose so people won’t know I am smart.  I ask questions I already know the answer to.  You would know that I “dumb down” 95% of the time so people won’t be intimidated by me.  If you really knew me you would know that it takes every ounce of courage I have to speak to groups of “at risk” kids or adults about drugs, alcohol, abuse, and leading a happy life and knowing they matter.  If you really knew me you would know I do that with the hope that it will help just one person.  If you really knew me you would know I go through my day in prayer for others.  I you really knew me you would know that I like things simple, free of chaos and drama, peace filled, hope filled, and joy filled.  If you really knew me you would know I would be very happy living in the country, in a small cozy house with a fireplace, with a huge garden, a few chickens and goats, maybe even a cow.  I would not mind not having a computer, a phone, and all this crazy electronic jazz.  If you really knew me…………

Sarah-Pink Welch © 2012

Facebook:  Sarah-Pink’s Promise

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7 thoughts on “If You Really Knew Me…….

  1. If i did not know better I WOULD THINK-HOW DOES THIS AWESOME ANGEL KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT ME? That was a AWESOME SO TRUE TO LIFE BLOG THAT MAKES A PERSON HANG ON TO EVERY WORD. I imagined your life in my mind and it started to unfold into me standing in front of a mirror and the scenery was so colorful with BRIGHT-VIVID -BOLD COLORS, AS I KEPT READING I COULD FEEL MY HEART FILLING WITH JOYFUL LOVE & HAPPINESS OF A AWESOME PERSON THAT WAS SO THANKFUL FOR THEIR LIFE AND IT IS A GRAND LIFE-THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERED. IT IS A LIFE AND IT IS MINE, BECAUSE I KNOW HOW TO GUIDE THIS LIFE EVEN WHEN A ROAD BLOCK POPS UP. DETOURS ARE NO BIG DEAL-BECAUSE I LOVE ME AND MY LIFE. I WORKED HARDER THAN ANY ONE COULD IMAGINE TO GET TO THIS POINT-SO TAKE ME AS I AM-OR NOT AT ALL-THANK YOU FOR YOUR TOUCHING INSIGHT TO YOUR SOUL-YOU ARE A TRUE EXAMPLE OF WHAT HAPPENS-WHEN A PERSON MAKES IT HAPPEN-PEACE**LOVE**HAPPINESS Leisa-Topeka Ks

  2. Sarah, I have always LOVED the name “Sarah” and if you knew me, you would be surprised how close our lives imitate one another… I was brought to tears for your pain and my own… your words are beautiful and it is people like YOU who are the real “Hero’s” of the world in my book… I wish “I knew you” 🙂 Recovery Love and MUCH RESPECT ❤

  3. I was just completely blown away by how much of myself I just saw in your written words. We have much in common. It is a pleasure to have the opportunity to get to know you Sarah. Peace and love to you tonight and always.
    Laurie

  4. I can so relate to most of writing above as can a few I don’t have my parents around me due to a silly argument that eventually got resolved, for years broke my heart and theirs sadly too, i spent so much time grieving as did they. i came to realise that is not they do not love me it is simply my Mum feels embarrassed and can not face. me it sad but you can’t change her. I moved to getaway from it all as they have 3 girls the other 2 trying to out do each other to be no 1 girl, they might realise one day they love us all for different reasons am not no 1 girl just the one they talk more about for been me, the loyal loving one that walks away from arguments and pointless meaningless rivalries. even though i moved away they continue to try n out do each other, gossiping and if they can hear any news of me try to twist quite sad,. They too do not know or realise the pain they continue to inflict on our parents. or that our parents know us and no different, as you say they don’t know me. My husband laughs wen we get bits of news coming bac through the grapevine and says who they talking about this is so not you and i smile now where as before id be in tears so hurt and alone. i do not let people in too and keep so much of me hidden from others to protect me and my sensitive nature, i am a good person and a good heart but and will give and help anybody i put everybody first but i am happy in my own space away from it all.i am lucky i live in a remote village surrounded by fields although my husband n teenage daughter luv to wind each other up now n again and have their moments i luv been away from civilisation so i can just be me away from it all. just sad it has to be this way. so i can relate to most of your writings Sarah more then i share, you can not change others or stop others hurting you or others all you can do is look after yourself or protect yourself the best way sometimes hiding the real you, taken me 15 years a lot of pain n heartache to realise this. you can not stop others just protect yourself although doesn’t take away the sadness and pain but at least you can say actually this is not your fault and you can’t change it. luv alwyas Jo <3<3<3

    • Dear Jo,
      You are so right. I have kind of created my own family. And to those who continue to try to hurt me….I now say, “You are not allowed to mean to me.” I love you and PLEASE keep in touch.

      Peace & Love Always,
      Sarah

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